The great mud flap quandary: An objective analysis.

I am back in E-town after holidays in beautiful BC (I know, my whole summer has been a holiday, but you get the idea...). During the 3 hour drive from Calgary to Edmonton I got to experience first hand a prairie rainstorm.
Not the most enjoyable experience to drive in: going 110km/h with rain so hard that your windshield wipers are on maximum and still can't keep up, while you get spray and mist coming off of other cars and blocking your vision so it is a chore just to keep the g.d. car between the painted lines.
Which reminds me...if you are going to drive on the highways, get some flippin' mud flaps on your vehicle! Do you think the other drivers like having their visibility reduced to 0% while your stupid ass drives by in your redneck truck/RV/trailer - without mud flaps - spraying water and debris all over my windshield?

Still not sure?
Okay, then let's weigh the alternatives here for Mr. Redneck pickup truck driver:

A pair of $9.99 mud flaps from Canadian Tire vs. Causing fiery car crashes and highway deaths due to ignorance and not caring a fig about others.

Since this may be an overly complex and intricate calculation for your average Albertan pickup-truck driving redneck, I'll walk through the permutations of each choice.

Choice #1: Mud flaps from Canadian Tire.
Does redneck self-expression reach any higher of an art form than the different designs available for mud flaps? You can have mud flaps with flames on them, a skull and crossbones, or even the classic silhouette of a naked woman, among hundreds of other designs. When you add personalized mud flaps to your vehicle, you are adding more than a set of attractive automotive accessories. You are adorning your truck with a redneck status symbol. Take my advice: there is no quicker way to earn the respect and admiration of your fellow truck-driving peers than with a set of theme-mud flaps. No longer will you be persona non grata at monster truck rallies, Wrestlemania, or your local steakhouse. With mud flaps like these, your redneck social circle will broaden beyond your wildest dreams. Pilsner and Skoal will fall from the heavens and the world will be right again.

Choice #2: Thoughtlessness for the safety of fellow drivers on the road.
I know my truck-driving readers are about to email me and say "BUT KWAZER IF I HAVE MUDFLAPS ON MY TRUCK THEN THAT MEANS LESS CAR CRASH DEATHS, AND THEN I WILL HAVE MORE CARS ON THE ROAD AND IT WILL TAKE ME LONGER NEXT TIME I'M GOING TO THE MONSTER TRUCK RALLY LOL!"
This will be a strong consideration for our redneck brethren.

However, set such thoughts aside my neuron-challenged friends. More importantly, have you considered what happens when the rain stops? You roar past a car in your lifted truck with big tires, no exhaust, and Lynryd Skynyrd or AC/DC blaring out of the stereo and *Gasp!* your status as a redneck might not be fully confirmed by other drivers. That is right, they may still be unsure whether you are indeed of the genus Reddius Neckimus. Don't make this mistake. You NEED to affirm to the world your true standing and aspirations on this planet; you need to let all know that you are a redneck. And there is no better way to do this than the aforementioned mud flaps.

So as you can see, on first blush the cost/benefit analysis of $9.99 Canadian Tire mud flaps may appear to be a tricky calculation to make. But upon further inquiry the benefits derived from increases in prestige and the affirmation to the world of redneck status outweigh the detriments of the extra time it may take commuting to see Gravedigger and the other monster trucks.

Conclusion: Based on the cost/benefit analysis, dipstick should get the stupid flaps.